So glad that Tubby turned up trumps! He is clearly a shrewd tumour & has come to realise that we have a future together he has chosen to remain sensibly small. I am not sure if my constant reminders that we live or die together has caused this choice or perhaps it’s familiarity that has bred content, we are very close.
I had four scans before Christmas brought on by some new symptoms which I feared was cancer related. It was not, it is a whole new panoply of experience. All very painful. The entire time I have been diagnosed with cancer I have had no pain at all, now I do, but. I was able to have a merry Christmas, interspersed with moments of profound naked terror, & I was glad to go back to the hospital so soon.
I am not recommending that we oldies should be armed, necessarily, but having endured two rush hour experiences at Waterloo I am tempted to recommend just that. And let’s get this clear: I am no little old lady. I see myself rather as a vintage model of womanhood of medium size and remarkable confidence. And as rush hour appears to begin at 3pm, reach a crescendo around 5pm that carries on until 7pm when it tails off, it is likely that any old dodderer will encounter this horror at some stage in their remaining life.
I had never longed to go on a cruise. I had heard about sitting at the captain’s table in evening dress,and the thought appalled me. Besides which it was posh a few years ago, & expensive so that precluded the very idea. Then came the vast liners that look like blocks of flats tottering along in the Solent. Unbalanced ugly edifices that give out huge amounts of damaging pollution apparently. Also I am sure I would get lost on board & can visualise myself wandering forever from deck to deck along gangways – a kind of modern ancient mariner, only a passenger. Then I went to Bilbao on the way to a few days break and that was a nightmare of booze fuelled people & hideous noise. Though I have definitely taken part in booze fuelled adventures in the past I found the limited escape routes a worry. This further put me off the idea of a cruise but I longed to see the Fjords.I asked around among friends of like mind. People I know had enjoyed this cruise and recommended the experience. The answer is to go on a small ship, if you can call just under nine hundred passengers small, and you can. So the decision was made. In part because one friend told me the food is wonderful and the Braemar sailed from Southampton so no airport is involved. The very thought of a large airport scares me, with my propensity for getting lost I always fear I may get on the wrong aircraft or finish up without my luggage in a strange country. Paranoia plays a part in many of my life choices.
Today I have a date with my excellent oncologist. Not sure why, no new news. Unless they have discovered something by osmosis…. I badly wanted to go to a benefit for cancer research on Saturday but I have mixed feelings about benefits for Cancer charities. Though I was happy enough to accept visits from nice nurses from the Lady Mountbatten centre & realise that they do great work…still, to me it Seems that cancer gets more than its fair share of charitable attention. Almost an industry. And research? There is research, I realise that but I am of the opinion that the drug companies have little interest in a cure for this highly profitable disease. This is no new idea & has been around for a very long time, which proves nothing!
When my cancer was diagnosed my own GP tried very hard to get me to accept chemotherapy – because she believes it is the only treatment. Likewise, my present oncologist & both of these women have complete integrity. Both are now delighted that I have survived though the fact that I had 5 sessions of radiotherapy is given rather a lot of credit for my survival… I am sure that doctors are sincere in their beliefs & doing their best for their patients. As for the nurses from the Lady Mountbatten. they have discharged me, I miss my main nurse Donna who hardly patronised me at all & was fun. I am grateful that they are there & do a good job But can’t help feeling that the mindset of the ‘patient’ is more important by far than any drugs, Not to mention Shiatsu & other treatments that I have been fortunate enough to know about & have been able to afford both time & inclination. Bloody mindedness is vital too & a determination to continue to enjoy my life until death, whenever.
This has become yet another Cancer with a big C Blog! Unintentional but here it is!
I always try to get to Aldi when they open at eight it takes three minutes to drive there so I leave at 7.50 and usually arrive to a near deserted forecourt. Not so on a Saturday. All disabled spots in the car park are filled and there is a small crowd of impatient characters waiting for the grand opening. They shuffle their feet restively –I’ve often seen people outside pubs of a Sunday in the bad old days, eager faced perusing their watches. Twitchy. I remember myself on one terrible Sunday when the clocks changed and I arrived just in time for last orders to be called, chagrin! We, naturally had a major blaming session between ourselves and successfully ruined a perfectly good day. Those were the days eh?
And to be fair the first person I saw today exiting as I entered had a large trolley full of booze but most of the crowd were food shopping. Saturday us clearly the day of choice and the crowd is various. There are tiny women with trolleys that look bigger than themselves filled with food – I always spot something I have missed and am tempted to dive back to get it – causing a rupture in the proceedings at the till. Today I had forgotten my bags which languished in the boot. I didn’t even TRY to go for them but stuffed the trolley full of my eclectic cargo. Nobody looked askance, and why would they? Though once at Waitrose when I left the shop with a trolley full, some impertinent female told me she hoped I had paid for that, I gave her a suitably dusty answer and I was delighted to see her facial rivet and change hue toward purple.New vocabulary madame?