So glad that Tubby turned up trumps! He is clearly a shrewd tumour & has come to realise that we have a future together he has chosen to remain sensibly small. I am not sure if my constant reminders that we live or die together has caused this choice or perhaps it’s familiarity that has bred content, we are very close.
I had four scans before Christmas brought on by some new symptoms which I feared was cancer related. It was not, it is a whole new panoply of experience. All very painful. The entire time I have been diagnosed with cancer I have had no pain at all, now I do, but. I was able to have a merry Christmas, interspersed with moments of profound naked terror, & I was glad to go back to the hospital so soon.
Especially glad to see my excellent friendly oncologist with a big smile on her face when she greeted us. I knew then that it was good news. This doctor is exceptional in the support she has given me,notwithstanding my cynical asides about conventional medicine & the cancer industry. The first oncologist I met told me that as I have stage four cancer of my left lung which is inoperable, if I didn’t have chemo I should be dead in seven months, a spur indeed to keep me alive. She seemed very cross indeed which probably made me even more determined to stay alive.
Of course, obstinacy can only go so far & the Shiatsu massage & the love of a good woman has been important too. Vital in fact, & although the oncologist says she has done nothing this is not true. After my making it clear that I had no intention of having treatment she saw me regularly & was almost as delighted as I was at Tubby’s co-operation & my continued health.
I do realise that the cancer is not gone & I have an appointment in three months. But though the oncologist says I am a miracle we both know that this is not true & my own bloody mindedness has had a big part to play in my survival. And should I die tomorrow I have years of life that have been a joy, as well as an aggravation, irritation & all the other interesting imponderables that life throws our way. But mostly a joy.
So, if you are diagnosed with the big C don’t despair & get cast down, doctors are not gods & I have met a fair few medics who have congratulated me on my decision. Especially, always remember your body is your own as is your own Unique tumour & it is only a part of you that is dysfunctioning – give him (or her) a chance!
Now for this wretched arthritis which lacks the drama of cancer but is far more aggravating & seemsto get little attention from the media or from charities…..