The Unmitigated Joy of Ageing part 2

So, it would seem that the pound has sunk to a new low which will, as naturally as night follows day, hit we pensioners where it hurts. However, we are sure that our leaders know what they are up to, whichever one we end up with, and we shall bring the ingenuity that we are famed for to the matter. We will revive our Dunkirk spirit and bring our ancient recipe books to the fore. I wonder, can one still buy dried egg?  We will show the young whippersnappers a thing or two about managing on a budget. We will regard our enforced poverty as a challenge.

First I would like to thank the people who commended me on my bracing views of ageing and how to do it. I expect to see some changes in my contemporaries very soon especially among you ladies. Think the wonderful Barbara Cartland or even Vivienne Westwood when next you choose your apparel; nobody ever brushed these ladies aside. Remember, our objective is to be noticed, to startle with our vivacity and style. Louche is quite acceptable in our age group so take risks, I am well informed that the sight of slightly exposed jowl and delectable upper arm are much appreciated -contrary to our mother’s advice. And while I don’t advise a full sale flaunt, take risks.

In my last missive I spoke of purse fumbling and I outdid myself yesterday in the hardware shop while a nice young man demonstrated how to fix my hosepipe on the tap I managed to collect eight highly irritable people behind me. And I hadn’t even realised that they were there until I heard an exasperated sigh and received a blast of tobacco scented breath over my shoulder, I recoiled and broke my own rule by saying I was sorry while I gathered my two purses together and gratefully accepted the assistance of the charming assistant to pack the apparatus in my bag. I smiled as I left and winked at the young man.

It is very important for we of a certain age to have fun, apart from the joy of irritating the young of course. Be it driving eclectically or stealing cuttings from stately homes and gardens. I was jolly bucked to read about a crew of elders who robbed vast amounts of jewellery lately, I thrilled to hear that their planning was immaculate and sorry when their computer skills – of lack of same – let them down. I too can relate to this; the whippersnappers learn this stuff at their mothers knee I understand. This seems rather unfair to me as does much of the communications industry. I have been threatened with a ‘Smart Phone’ but, as I said at the time, I expect the telephone to be an obedient servant to me, I do not need it to be ‘smart’. I deal with the smarts myself thank you very much!  I am not suggesting that we take up major criminal activity of course but something with an element of risk suggest itself. I have a friend, a mere stripling in his seventies who took up gliding recently, to the mortification of his children but as he said, ‘how long have I got? I might as well enjoy myself.’

There is a terrible tendency to underestimate us, particularly in the medical profession. Receptionists seem to have a line on this and will insist on speaking LOUDLY and distinctly at us, rather than TO us, I have combatted this irritating habit by responding at full tilt and bellow in their ear. ‘Thank you my dear’. I am never sure if they understand the significance of this but it is satisfying to see them flinch. Also, I do dislike being called ‘dear’ and the words ‘oh bless!’ beside having no real meaning smack of patronage although most of the perpetrators are female so perhaps that should be matronising?

I hope you enjoy my suggestions and I should be delighted for any suggestions of your own to lift we elders out of any incipient apathy. Winchester was once the capital, let’s make it the capital of our own movement toward an enjoyment of our later years for we magnificent warriors of anti-ageism!

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