I have had no time to write a blog for a while and then I realised that I had no idea what to write about, then good old radio 4 came up with a programme about procrastination and I realised that the description fitted me like the proverbial glove. I hedge and footle while I find reasons not to. Not to do anything really. I have been evading the fact that I must send off a letter to the fiendish insurance company who told me that the fact that the wind blew slates off my roof was because I had worn out nails in the slates – the fact that the rest have stayed up quite happily seemed not to influence their decision not to pay out. Fortunately I have an astute roofer who pointed this out to me and I in turn have pointed it out to the insurance company. The letter had been pending for a week and at last I have sent it off.
I have been working for somebody else for a week or so and have gone to it with vigour every day, partly because I am working for a person who dishes out praise with generosity and makes me feel good about myself – and yes, I know this is pathetic and sad, a dog like people pleaser that’s me. Also because I am getting paid for my work must come into it somewhere.
I remember, when I was writing my first novel that I had a friend who read it as I went and that made a big difference. Apparently fear of getting told off comes into it too. So I expect that like ever other foible it goes back to childhood warps.
Whatever it is; it‘s a pain that induces guilt, self loathing and other nasties. I was sort of relieved to know that ordinary competent people, the kind that make programmes for radio 4 anyway – which surely indicates a slight level of competence are also afraid of ‘getting it wrong’.
One slight compensation is the fact that we procrastinators are nice people – in the opinion of a fellow procrastinator anyway. And we can get out of the habit too but as the person in question is two years late with her tax return I don’t think she has quite got the hang of it yet. I will try for myself and I did get that letter off so there is hope. And I hear that there is a procrastinators anonymous organisation where we can compete for the best of worst procrastinator ever. Like Alcoholics Anonymous.
I will keep you informed of my progress.