I expect that everybody has their areas of incompetence – I hope so. Surely I am not singular, my own particular speciality is with any machines at all – particularly computers. Also mobile phones. I am defeated before I begin, my own cell phone is over ten years old, in fact my server gave me a free modern model for staying with them on Pay as you Go for ten years. I tried to get to grips with it, failed and stowed it in a bag. Now and again I promise – or threaten, myself that I will suss it out, I will spend a day sorting it. My Sat Nav is in a similar state of neglect it lurks in the sideboard looking sad and I am grateful that it does not drum accusingly at me in spite of its Tom Tom name. it is probably out of date by now and I am afraid that all my implements are dispirited by lack of use.

From time to time I have had real experts try to teach me the basics of the computer, the router, the printer. We have both ended if not in tears then in a very bad mood which has driven us to the nearest Gin and Tonic. They won’t come back either. The women who showed me how to blog succeeded to a degree but she had a lot of patience and clearly expected little of me. ( thanks Penny Legg) But I still find myself bleating over the phone in desperation. I do commend Plus Net who talked me on to my new Router over several hours of fraught interchange. And I was with Ukonline before because they were based in Northern Ireland and had that lovely accent also were incredibly kind and gentle with my feebleness.

After my experience in Sicily with no book to read I succumbed to the blandishments of Kindle and bought one. I looked at it for a few days, prodded and poked until my love got it going, programmed for use. I tried to download one of the free offers that were an enticement but nothing happened, I am defeated again. I am sure she will get it going and I will be able to use it – I do hope so, I don’t want it to join my small collection of sad failed efforts. What I find exasperating is that other people who are quite dopey have no trouble at all using all these helpful aids to life.

I do not believe I am stupid – I can’t afford to. So I have diagnosed myself as borderline eejit instead and I am sure there is a title that describes my malady. ( I will be grateful if somebody can come up with an appropriate title for me)

Yesterday, after taking my laser printer twice for adjustment and still it wouldn’t work. I got my mate round to help and he spent two hours farting about looking up help from Samsung, hp and everyone else in range. He had given up when he found an errant usb thing that I had neglected to insert in my laptop. I have been wandering around saying: ‘I don’t believe it!!’ ever since but I lie, I do believe it totally.

I can’t upload photos on to face book either, or tune my car radio, or blow up my tyres.. but I will stop there  it’s all too demoralising .

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7 Responses to TECHNOPHOBE

  1. Ruth Hazlitt says:

    But you can write a highly entertaining paragraph or two. I have heard this complaint of yours before but you have now set it before us in all its glory! Great fun, thank you.

  2. Mo says:

    Thanks Ruth but if anything goes awry I am lost & become a pathetic snivelling twat of 4!

  3. Mo says:

    Or anything practical really I used to think it was laziness but I reckon it is all psychological like part of my brain has gone down or never worked ever. It occured to me that I might have a form of Munchhausen disease but for consumer durables – what d’you reckon?

  4. But, Mo, you GOT A BOOK PUBLISHED. And you do blogging. So???

    • Mo says:

      I know but I lose things in my computer & can’t figure out Kindle which is frustrating like I am working with one hand behind my back – I need a PA that’s the thing, but thanks Jacqueline! Like you gave me the address of a company who take articles & place them & I have lost it. It is very frustrating & everything takes me longer than necessary.

  5. kate says:

    My mum is just the same, Mo! She has just about got to grips with her mobile, for making calls but even then if she leaves a message on our answerphone we’ll sometimes just hear a lot of garbled crackling and a few distant voices, as if she has dialled our number in error!
    She is quite proud of her Ludditeness, mind, and says she’ll never have a computer. She just has to hear all of us stressing about the things that go wrong and that confirms her decision to steer clear.
    Ann can’t upload to pics to Facebook any more. We discovered it’s since FB Timeline. But she can if she uses another browser!

    • Mo says:

      I know but love tweeting & have over 500 followers I think my forte is writing & I am a 1 trick pony strictly & quite lazy plus I can’t see wots on the kindle obscure buttons etc & don’t think they make it clear enough for me – or your mum! Maddening! We will get to Totnes A has lovely new motor & is brilliant Italian style driver,LOVE toyou both XXX